Hingham Prediction
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The Tea Party boiled its way through an all-star field of 16
teams to win the Hingham Tournament this weekend. In a
rematch of the finals of the Hot Box tournament the week
before, the Tea Party made it two in a row with a convincing
15-11 victory over Smoke 'n' Gun. Jordan "Boy" "No, Wait,
Make That Girlfriend" Haskell was victimized by Dennis
"Getting Younger Every Day" McCarthy all day long, as "Crazy
Eights" McCarthy capped off a turnover free tournament by
scoring 8 goals, throwing for 8 more, and making 8 defensive
plays, all of them on "Insert Nickname Here" Haskell. The
crowning point came on the game's final play when McCarthy
hucked to Alex "My Name Begins with D" deFrondeville, but
"Plexiglass" deFrondeville couldn't come up with the floater.
"The Hardest Worker in Ultimate" McCarthy was alert, however,
and outsprinted "Not Enough" Haskell to the end zone to make a
layout catch of his own throw for the game winner.
Elwood Hound, the pre-tournament favorite led by Kenny "New
Leaf" Dobyns, was decimated by injuries and was forced to
employ Patty "Food Table" Dobyns for their semifinal game
against Smoke 'n' Gun. The mother-son duo got a half dozen
blocks between them as deeps in the zone, but Paul "The Entry
Fee Just Keeps On Going Up" Dixon spearheaded the SnG comeback
with repeated hammers to Pooch "Christine" Lastname as SnG
pulled it out at the cap 15-14. Meanwhile, Somerville "Hammer
Time" Youth tried to stop their 0-for-the-year slump against
the Tea Party in the other semifinal. Alec "Tall and Thin"
Ewald ran wild in the first half to spot SY to a four goal
halftime lead, but Ted "Out of Retirement" Vansant neutralized
Ewald in the second half, Justin and Judy "The Justin and Judy
Workout" worked the give and go against the beleaguered
E-People, and Al "Blade" deFrondeville and Mike "One Man
Spring Break" Kizilbash connected on repeated hucks to win it
for the tea drinkers, 16-14. An exasperated Gary "Glasses"
Lippman was heard to remark, "I can't believe we keep losing
to those guys. They're out of shape, they don't run, and
they're always overdressed. Maybe if John "Never Has An
Average Amount of Hair on His Head" Bar hadn't pulled a
hamstring trying to avoid seeing the Tea Party at the BHP, we
could have won it all." Alas, Gary, that's not the way it
works in Jim's World. Maybe if you were on the Internet, you
could be the champs. But, instead, the legend grows.
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